Skip to main content

Giving to Others vs. Giving to Ourselves

Give to Others To Give To Yourself

In past blogs, I have spoken about the importance of Self-Care through Self-Massage, which is the single most powerful technique I have found for myself for creating and maintaining optimal health, and one that I have practiced for 35 years.

Daily Self-Care, especially as we age, is so vitally important for our health and well-being. Do you put others before your own Self-Care needs? Are you a people-pleaser? When we live our lives by giving to others before we give to ourselves, in the form of Self-Care, we are setting ourselves up for some unsustainable health patterns that could have highly deleterious effects.

When we give to ourselves first, we then create a state where our cup is spilling over, and this excess is when giving to others can truly and authentically happen. If we don’t give to ourselves first then we end up depleting ourselves, perhaps with feelings of resentment towards the people we are giving to. Why do we do that? Is it in order to feel needed by others, accepted, loved? Isn’t this merely conditional giving, meaning we expect the same back from others? We have to ask ourselves if this is truly the healthiest strategy to get our needs met.

My experience is that this strategy always, sooner or later, backfires and we are left wondering why, since we are such good and giving people, we aren’t also feeling happy and fulfilled in our lives.

Give To Yourself, As Part Of Your Self-Care

To give to ourselves first is essential for us to maintain our own health and happiness, and it is from that place that we can most cleanly and healthfully give to others. This might mean time alone for exercise/meditation/prayer/contemplation, whatever it is for you, make sure you are your own best friend, the priority in your own life. Others will sense your commitment to yourself, and feel your caring for them from this full and authentic place of giving to yourself first.

So carve out some time for yourself every day (I find morning work best) and keep your cup overflowing.

Why not start your self-care ritual with a facial massage?